Thou Art An Ass

“Yeah, he thinks James is an ass, too.” This time I chuckle, and Alex smiles knowing she has hit my button. My mom is so uptight about profanity that hearing Alex toss it around like a proper noun amuses me.

“I mean, they’re besties and everything, but he still thinks James is an ass.” She smiles knowing I am on the edge of laughter. “If you would just get on-board the ass train, it would be unanimous.”

“I guess I just haven’t seen that side of him, yet,” I say with a smile.

“Oh you will, honey, you will! He’s a smart ass prick who thinks he is better than everyone else. He thinks he understands humanity and the humane psyche with some divine clarity. He’s nothing more than a Chicago hipster.”

Finally, I laugh. I can’t hold it back anymore.

“No seriously, he’s an ass.”

“You know, I believe Shakespeare said something like that in one of his plays.”


“Yeah, something like that.” I take out my phone and do a quick Google search: ‘Shakespeare quotes ass.’ “Here we go. From The Comedy of Errors, ‘I think thou art an ass.'”

“Nice. I didn’t realize I was so cultured.”

“Quite so.”

“Finally, a Shakespeare quote I can remember.” We smile at each other and she gives me a tight hug.

“Should we tell the boys where we are?”


“Yeah, Erik’s here, too.”

I shrug.

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